Ask for Help. I Dare You.

"I can do it by myself!"  Find just about any two-year-old anywhere in the nation, and you're likely to hear this proudly and loudly declared as they attempt to put on a shirt or open a container.  With no little irony, such phrases are often followed by an exaggerated struggle, lots of grunting, and eventual tears as things don't quite work out.  I don't have my own little person, but I have had the pleasure of observing this phenomenon occur with many of my friends' children.  It is always equally fascinating and amusing to me.  The bold determination for independence, the complete inability to see their own limitations, the utter despair and surprise when failure knocks them back never cease to amaze and entertain me. I keep thinking they shouldn't be surprised when it happens to them over and over, and yet they are.  I keep thinking they will eventually realize the value of receiving help when it is really needed, but they just don't.   I then think that someday, they will grow older and wiser and realize how much easier life is when we ask for help....

....And then I find myself laughing at my own joke, because I am far from the age of two, yet I am guilty of the same behavior at times.  I like to boldly declare that "I can do it myself" when it comes to handling challenges and obstacles in my life.  If you are watching, you might spot me struggling to work through a situation, with lots of grunting in the form of complaints and "why me's", and eventual tears when things just don't seem to work out.  I'm less amused and fascinated because now it is happening to me, but at least I'm beginning to recognize the same pattern follows us into our adult years.  Whether the reason is the same stubbornness that plagued us when we were two, or the superhuman mindset that many of us foolishly take on as we grow up, the result is the same. We are standing around struggling through our difficulties when we are surrounded by people ready to lend us a helping hand. 

At my church, one of my volunteer roles is being a part of the prayer team.  At the end of each service members of the prayer team stand in front of the stage so that anyone who needs prayer can come forward and ask for it.  Time after time, someone will come to me in that moment and start by saying, "I don't really like to ask for help, but..."  or "I don't usually ask for help, but...."  I want to say back to them, "Why on earth not?", but I already know the answer.  Pride.  Pride is what keeps us from admitting we need help.  We are too proud to admit we can't do it on our own.  We are too proud to believe that someone else can do something we can't.  We are too proud to say out loud that something is wrong in our work life, our marriage, our dating relationship, or our family.  We don't think anyone could possibly care about us, which is a form of pride: the self-focused, pity party pride.  In the time when we most need help, our pride shuts us down.  The enemy loves how susceptible we are to our pride and feeds us more lies to keep us from asking for help.  You may have heard the proverb, "Pride goes before the fall".  I like The Message version of this verse: 

"First pride, then the crash--the bigger the ego, the harder the fall." 
                                                                                    Proverbs 16:18 (The Message)

So what are we to do?  Humble ourselves enough to ask for help. Ouch. Yes, I know. It hurts me as much to write it as it does you to read it, but it is true.  In every situation where I have tried to solve a problem or overcome an obstacle on my own, I have failed.  My greatest successes have come when I have finally realized I needed help, and asked for it.  Start with God.  He has told us time in again in Scripture that we have power in Him.  The Holy Spirit lives in us to give us power.  He is called our Helper because God knows we need His help!   No one is more aware of our weaknesses than God is, because he intentionally gave them to us.  He created us to have weaknesses so that we would depend on Him all the more. 

"But he[Christ] said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'"
                                                                                      2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)

We also have our fellow believers.  If you do not have a group of friends who believe in Christ and read his Word and can give you sound, biblical advice (not just their opinions or their own stories), then you need to get some NOW!  I can not begin to tell you how many times I have taken my junk and drama to my friends and had them respond with truth and scripture that served to guide me through my situation.  These are the same friends that I can talk with about "So You Think You Can Dance" or "Once Upon a Time".  These are the same friends that go with me to Fashions Night Out and ooh and aah with me over sheer knee high socks with skirts and men's style blazers for women.  These are the same friends that let me try on their Louboutin shoes and give me great recipes for polenta.  My point being, your believing friends can still be fun and fabulous, so long as they revolve their lives around the Bible.  Just make sure they are friends who speak the truth in love, and tell you what you need to hear, not just what you want to hear. 

"A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer.  Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken."      
                                                                                         Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NLT)

The greatest lie we can believe is to think that everyone else has it together and is getting through on their own.  That is simply not true.  No one has it all together, and no one is getting through their stuff alone.  So this week,  I want to encourage you to ask for help.  Pray to God for help. Pray and ask for better friends in your life if you don't have them. If you have some potential friends, ask them to hang out so you guys can get closer, then ask them for help.  And since those of you struggling with this concept are like me and struggle with pride, let me appeal to you in a way to which your pride won't help but respond.  Ask for help; I dare you!