In Anticipation of the Sweet, Black Boy Growing in My Womb

If all goes according to the countdown on my iPhone and, more importantly, if God wills it,  in just a few months, I will get to hold my son in my arms.  Like most mothers anticipating the birth of a child I am already wondering what he will look like.  Will he have his father's eyes?  His sister's dimples? My lips?  I have already been unable to resist buying a few adorable outfits and accessories (do guys call them accessories? is there a "manlier" term?)  I have imagined how my daughter will respond to him and done a small bit of worrying over the future arguments and tussles that are to be expected between siblings.  I have prayed for him to have a healthy body, a sharp mind, a loving heart, and a compassionate spirit that will yield easily to the Savior at a young age.  I have also prayed for his daddy's height, quick feet, and sure hands that could turn into a pleasant college basketball career. Just college, as I'm not that into the NBA. After which he can parlay his experience on the court and in his honors classes at Blank University into a stellar career.  

I pray in anticipation for his health. I pray in anticipation for his future.  I pray in anticipation for his salvation. And lately, I find myself praying in anticipation for how the people, ALL the people of our nation will perceive him.  Lately, I pray against the fear that creeps up in my heart, the fear of how some people will look at my son, will think of my son simply because he is black.  I know that some of you who read my blog are not black and you may or may not be struggling with the current stories in the news and the protests happening, and I don't know more than you do about the individuals that are the focus of these stories.  However, I do know that there are certain things I will teach my children to keep them safe above and beyond the basics of following the laws of the land and being respectful of authority.  I will teach them a caution that I was taught, that my husband was taught is necessary because of how we can sometimes be perceived based on the color of our skin. 

I don't know the details are the day to day lives of the boys in the news stories over the last few years, but I know that I have had women clutch their purses tighter because I was next to them in line at the checkout.  My husband and I have sat in a movie theater several times and had people leave the seats on either side of us empty while having no problem sitting right next to the white couple in front of us.  We've had elevator doors open and watched a woman choose to not get on, because somehow we look threatening in our Gap clothes and natural hair.  My husband has been followed by the police while jogging through his own neighborhood.  I have been followed through department stores by the security personnel, yes, in recent years.  A year ago, when I failed to realize my lights on my car were not on auto (thanks oil change guys) I was pulled over along with a girlfriend who happens to be black (and a pastor) seconds after pulling out of a restaurant parking lot.  We immediately recognized the problem and turned on my lights and then the officer asked for my drivers license just to be sure I was clear to go, which made perfect sense.  However, he also asked for my friend's license.  I'd never had an officer ask for the ID of a passenger in my car, and when I very politely asked him why, his response was, "We catch a lot of drug dealers and thieves this way."  Apparently we were giving off that drug dealer/thief vibe. Must have been the leftover pasta in the back seat. 

I think about those and countless other incidents in my life where I have been reminded in  little ways that I'm viewed as the same by some people in our nation, and I pray fervently for the safety of my children, especially my unborn son.  I pray because however intentional my husband and I plan to be as we raise them, they will be kids and teenagers someday.  They will think themselves invincible as all teenagers do someday.  They will make foolish choices big and small as we all did when we were teenagers.  And they will simply walk down a street in our own neighborhood someday and perhaps be perceived as a threat by someone who sees everyone with brown skin as a threat.  I pray, fervently that God will protect them both from their own youthful foolishness and from the fear of others.  I pray that in the immediate years to come, things will change radically in our nation.  I pray that some of you who read this with skepticism and arguments at the ready, will just pause and ask God to fill your hearts and minds with compassion for a state of existence that you might not completely understand.  As I write this, I'm not interested in picking sides or winning an argument.  I'm simply a mother who wants her children to grow up in the best environment possible.  I'm a mother who loves her unborn son, and wants to believe that he will be judged by his character and his actions, not his appearance.  I'm just a mother anticipating the birth of her sweet, black boy who doesn't want to be fearful for his future.  

Change is Good. Right?

I have a love/hate relationship with change. On the one hand, I can get bored when things are stagnate, so I want to see things in my life change up. On the other hand, there are elements of my life that I like just as they are, so a change in those areas threatens my happy place. Whatever, my feeling may be, change happens. It keeps happening. It will always happen.

Some changes we make ourselves, while others are made for us. Some happen directly to us, while others happen near or around us. All change impacts us in some way, shape or form. As I think about the last five years of my life, the list of changes I've encountered is long: marriage, motherhood, career shift, best friend moving away, sister moving closer, canceling cable TV, signing up for Nerflix. Okay, all the changes aren't monumental, but all have impacted some aspect of my life or another. 

Navigating through change successfully is all about learning to have the right attitude in the midst of it.  I don't believe God expects us to like every change in our life, but I know He expects us to respond well to every change. When we respond to change with hopelessness, bitterness, or sin, we fail to show the world that our foundation is Jesus Christ. It is imperative to remember that our response to change will either bring God glory or fail to reflect Christ. 

I'm not saying you will never experience fear or anger or sadness in the midst of change. That is going to happen. My question is, what actions do you allow to accompany those feelings?  Do you lash out in anger? Do you curse God in grief?  Do you return to sinful behavior out of fear? You don't have to be a robot, but your actions should flow from your faith, not your feelings. 

The best way to be prepared for change is to be in close relationship to Christ. Proximity is everything. Talking to God daily by praying and reading the Bible will put you in the right position when change arrives. Too often, we let the steady times in our lives lull us into complacency and stop connecting to God, or we allow the business of our daily lives squeeze out our God time.  I've been just as guilty of this as you have, believe me, and because I have, I know how detrimental it is to my peace of mind when change arrives, to have fallen off my game.   I can attest that daily time with the Savior has prepared me for changes that I didn't even know were coming, whether it was a verse that days later took on new meaning, or a sense  during my prayer time that something was right around the corner.  I can also attest to the whiplash effect change has had in my life when I was not in daily contact with God.  I found myself scrambling and having a poor initial reaction to the change in front of me.

As believers, we all want to please the Lord.  We all want to represent Christ well.  We all want to be evidence of His grace and mercy to others.  When we face change, we can do all of these things and do them well, so long as we remember who God is, how very much He loves us, and the fact that He is in complete control.  Here are some tips on handling change: 

1. If you've been out of the Word, GET BACK IN! - Now, is definitely the time to restart your daily interaction with God. You can't hear from Him if you're not reading the words He's given you in the Bible! 
2. Focus on hope instead of despair - Have an attitude that shows you trust God has His best for you, not an attitude that looks like you're giving up.
3. Smile instead of frown- Your countenance (facial expression/body language) communicate more than you think, and I find that when I focus on smiling during change, I tend to have a more positive outlook.  I know it sounds simple, but it really does matter!
4. Talk about the good stuff instead of the bad stuff - Your words are more powerful than you know. Let others (and yourself) hear the good possibilities with the change, not just the bad. 
5. Work off your anger - The change you're facing may be upsetting, but you don't want that anger to lead you to sin, so work it off.  Run it out if that works for you, punch a pillow if that's your thing, do some angry cleaning (one of my favorites).  Find a physical, harmless way to process through that anger so you can get to the hope and positive attitude that much faster! 
6. Avoid temptation - Fear and anger can leave you vulnerable to sinful habits that fool you with temporary and false feelings of relief.  You know your weak areas - guard them carefully in this season. 

Here are some of my favorite verses to revisit when I face change:

• Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.   Matthew 6:34
• Our ancestors trusted in You, and You rescued them. You heard their cries for help and saved them.  They put their trust in You and were never disappointed.  Psalm 22:4-5
• For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long.  Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever.   2 Corinthians 4:17

What change are you facing right now?  What steps will you take to respond to it well? Feel free to share in the comments below.  I'd love to pray with you through your season of change!

Why I'm So Sad About Robin Williams...

Whether the scene that comes to mind is Mrs. Doubtfire dancing with the vacuum cleaner,  students jumping on their desk saying "O Captain, my Captain," a blue genie dancing and singing in a cave, a bearded therapist hugging a sobbing genius, or one of a thousand other scenes that made us laugh or cry or a bit of both, the fact is Robin Williams had a huge impact on the entertainment industry and the world.  His rapid fire wit and general aura of kindness made him lovable on screen and off.  If I was flipping channels and saw he was going to be interviewed on any talk show, I was definitely stopping because I knew I'd be laughing out loud in less than a minute.  His gift of portraying humor on screen and off was only matched by his ability to convey compassion, and while I only knew him from the perspective of a fan, I just believed that he was a caring and sweet man in real life. I never thought he was perfect, and I was aware that he'd struggled with substance abuse over the years, but like everyone else, I was devastated to hear the news of his suicide last night.  

This morning, as I watch the morning shows revisit his past roles and share truths from his life off screen, I'm struck by how very sad I am for the loss of a man I never knew personally.  My sadness is not just about the fact that he's gone but also about the disease that likely caused his death, depression.  It breaks my heart to know that while he was making so many of us laugh and feel good, he was struggling inside to feel any joy in his own life.  It's estimated that over 121 million people worldwide suffer from some form of depression.  While I personally have only walked through situational depression after personal loss, I have supported close friends and family through diagnosed depression, and I'm very aware of the suffocating weight that comes with it.  Depression is not a made up excuse, it's not sadness, it's not a few bad days.  It is a devastating disease that needs to be treated with the help of professionals.  Unfortunately, too many people dismiss depression and underestimate the significance of it.  Too many people experience shame or a sense of failure when faced with a diagnosis of depression, forgetting that it is a disease in the same way cancer is a disease: not something you asked for, not something you could have prevented, and not something you can ignore.  Depression is not a lack of faith or spirituality either.  You can know Christ and have a strong faith and still be hit with depression.  

As I've taken this journey with my loved ones, I've watched varying reactions to their diagnoses.  Denial is a common response because depression comes with symptoms that are particularly hard for the sufferer to see.  There is not a simple blood test that can tell you yes you suffer from depression, so for many the diagnosis is that much harder to accept. A common theme is a reluctance to take medication to help alleviate the symptoms of depression.  I can't count how many times I've told a depressed loved one that there is no shame in taking medication for their depression, comparing it to medication that we take for any other disease or disorder like diabetes or allergies.  Perhaps the thing that is the most frustrating, from what I've witnessed, is the reoccurrence of the disease after a period of peace; if getting on the medication and seeking therapy the first time was hard, having to revisit these treatments after thinking the depression was gone for good is even more daunting for the sufferer.  Yet, it is imperative that those who suffer from depression are diagnosed and treated by professionals. The type and length of treatments required can vary, but like any disease, left untreated depression can be debilitating and even deadly.  

For those of us who love someone who is experiencing this disease, we have a vital role to play.  We may be the ones to help our loved one identify that something is wrong.  We need to be encouraging and supportive.  We have to recognize the seriousness of the disease, not ignore it.  We have to celebrate when our loved one seeks help, not dismiss it or even worse shame them.  We have to pray for them with the same fervor we have when we hear of someone having cancer or ALS or Parkinson's or any other disease that we know devastates and destroys life.  We must talk about depression with the same mix of respect and gravity that we give those diseases and not write it off or diminish the power with which it can wreak havoc on a life.  

Today, I'm praying for the loved ones of Robin Williams who are grieving the loss of their husband, father, brother, and friend.  Even more, I'm praying for all of the millions out there who are suffering from depression. I'm praying that they are seeking help for their illness.  I'm praying that those who love them are supporting them to the best of their ability.  I'm praying that we all do what we can to support and encourage those in our lives who suffer from this disease.  I'm going to remember Mr. Williams for the laughter and acting genius that he brought into my own life.  I'm going to let his death be my reminder to never forget the dangerous power of depression.  

Posting on the Go: Desert Song reminded me...

Okay, I'm going to make this quick. I'm sitting in my car waiting to pick my sister up to grab lunch, listening to my praise station on Pandora and a song I haven't heard in years just came on...

It's a classic, if you ask me. If you don't know it, Google it right now and listen, because you need to know it. The last few weeks I have heard from friends, family, and new acquaintances all going through various trials. Sick children, hollow marriages, lonely seasons, struggles at work.  In each conversation, I have given encouragement and comfort where I could.   I've texted scriptures and left prayers on voicemails. And I have felt inadequate in so many of these moments. It is harder to watch those I love suffer than it is to go through things myself, especially knowing I can't fix anything. 

As I sang along with the chorus I thought of those recent conversations and how many of those women are still having to bring praise in the midst of very tough seasons. And then I got to the final verse: 

    This is my prayer in the harvest

    When favor and providence flow

    I know I'm filled to be emptied again

    The seed I've received I will sow

I'm so thankful that God allows us all to have peaceful seasons, times in our lives when we aren't going through a crisis, so we can be the encouragers for others. However inadequate I may feel in those moments, I am fulfilling my God-given purpose when I am available to listen to, encourage, and support others through their hard times. We will all have difficult seasons, but in our good seasons let us not forget to love on others, to pour out God's love on others, and to not diminish the value of that opportunity. 

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 

What season are you in?  If you are in a troubled season let me encourage you to keep praising and trust God for the victory. If you are in a peaceful season, look around you for someone to pour into. Sow the seed you have received.  Please, share your current season in the comments below. I'd love to pray for you!

Listen, Please!

A while back I walked into one of those specialty stores in the mall that is all about skincare.  You know the type with all the various lotions, cremes, moisturizers, bath salts and more in scents that smell like everything from a beautiful garden to a delicious desert.  It was winter time and, per usual for that season, I was looking for something to combat the dry skin that comes with winter, not because I don't own anything, but because I like to add to my collection of delightfully scented moisturizers upon occasion just to indulge my inner princess.  She's in there.  She may be buried under a bad hair day, an overflowing laundry basket, and an overstuffed inbox, but that she's in there and wants to be pampered sometimes.  One thing I also love about these stores is the opportunity to sample various items while being greeted by friendly staff eager to aide in the pampering process.  On this particular occasion, I was immediately greeted by one of those smiling faces.   To keep things interesting and fresh, I'd chosen a store I don't typically shop in, but it's a favorite for my sis, so I thought it was long past time to give them a try. The saleswoman asked me, 

"What can I help you find today?"

Standing in front of the section that held all of their moisturizing cremes and lotions, I asked, "Which of these would say is the absolute best for dry skin?"  A simple question for this type of store, I expected her to point out one or two products and was ready to sample them and choose my favorite scent.  

Her response, "Well, actually, it doesn't matter what moisturizer you use. The key to defeating dry skin is to exfoliate.  Do you exfoliate?"  

A bit thrown by her response, but not unaware of the concept, I said, "Yes I do,  but…"

She interrupted to continue, "People don't give enough credit to exfoliating.  You can lather on tons of lotion, but you won't get soft skin without exfoliating…blah…blah…blah." 

I'm not saying blah, blah to save time.  I really have no idea what came next.  By this point I'd realized she was not going to answer my question, and her voice became an adult on Charlie Brown cartoons.  I'll pause while you make the sound for fun.  Okay, back to the story.  You see, she missed my question.  I didn't ask her the key to defeating dry skin.  I asked her which moisturizer was best.  Had she given me an answer to my initial question, she would likely have kept my attention and made a sale that day.  Instead, she got my drill team smile, and a polite thank you as I exited as soon as she took enough of a breath for me to excuse myself without being rude.  Even when she initially asked her ever important exfoliating question, she could have held onto me, had she just heard me say  "yes,  I do."  Unfortunatley, she steamrolled over that opportunity to get back on track, and lost me completely.  

As I quickly strolled away, vowing in my head never to return unless I want a lecture, I was shaking my head at her failure to listen well.  This week, as God began to put the idea of listening on my heart, this encounter came back to me, and the lesson of conviction slid right home with it.  How many times have I been guilty of the same thing.  Someone asks me a question, a simple question about God, church, the Bible, Jesus, heaven, etc and instead of taking the time to listen, I launch into my practiced lecture on something kind of related, but COMPLETELY MISS THE QUESTION!  How many of those people were hearing the "WAH WAH WAH" of Charlie Brown's mom, and waiting for their first opportunity to escape me for good!  Why do I do this?  Why do we do this? Why do we fail to listen?  

The simple answer is we overcomplicate things. The questions people ask us about God are typically simple.  The answers may feel complex, but the truths about God that matter most, the things that are crucial to someone coming to know the Lord, accepting Jesus Christ,  and changing their eternal destiny are not really hard.  Sure there are some complex concepts out there; there are things left in mystery that we are never going to understand this side of heaven,  but I can confidently say most of the times I've been asked questions by someone really in need, really seeking God, the question being asked and it's accompanying answer were not that complex.  I let my fear of getting the answer right, my pride of wanting to sound knowledgeable, or my ignorance for lack of being prepared overcomplicate a simple situation.  We must be ready at all times with the simple answers to the simple questions about God.  2 Timothy 4:2 says, 

"Preach the word of God. Be prepared, whether the time is favorable or not. Patiently correct, rebuke, and encourage your people with good teaching."  

To be ready at all times means we must be in close contact with God all the time.  We should be praying daily for opportunities to encounter those with questions, praying to be good listeners, and praying for the simple answers to be on the tip of our tongues.  God will answer these prayers, but He tells us clearly that we don't have what we don't ask for.   We can't let fear overtake us, because to do so means we think it all depends on us when we should know it all depends on Him.  We have to stop our pride from running rampant and causing us to grandstand because that actually makes us an obstacle to God's plan rather than a instrument of His plan.  We can't let ignorance be an option at all, so we must read the Bible, pray, and attend church regularly.  God uses all of these things to plant in us what we will need at the opportune time.  

And most importantly, learn to pause. Take a breath, look the person speaking to you dead in the eye, and LISTEN, please, to what the person is saying.  If someone asks you, "Am I going to go to hell because I'm getting a divorce?"  You don't go into a deep lecture on what Jesus said in Matthew about divorce, you listen.  This person is going through a heartbreaking experience and is afraid he now faces eternal damnation.  Your answer is simple, "If you believe in your heart that Jesus Christ is Lord, that He died for your sins, and that He has defeated death so you can live forever with God in heaven, then absolutely not!"  Then pause, and listen to what they say/ask next.  If a teenager asks you, "Aren't all religions just praying to the same God?" You don't need to go into a history of Abraham, Isaac and Ismael or talk about polytheism vs monotheism (if you don't know those words, it really is okay).  Listen and recognize this is a young person at a crucial time in her life trying to decide what she believes for herself.  She needs clear and simple truth. You simply need to know to say, "No they are not.  There is only one true God."   As believers, our answers don't need to be politically correct, watered down, condescending, or overly didactic.  They need to be loving, honest, clear, and kind.   I don't know what question you may face next, but I do know the worst answer you can give is to not answer simply and clearly.  

The next time you face one of these moments, I hope you'll think of me and my quest for a good moisturizer and remember to listen. 

"Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish."

Proverbs 18:13

Finding the Perfect Mother's Day Gift

Mother's Day is one of those holidays that most people don't know how it came to exist, but go along with it anyway.  From the time we are tiny our dads, grandmas, or older siblings told us on this particular Sunday of the each year, we needed to make something special for Mommy, cook her breakfast in bed, and, most importantly, be especially good.   These instructions have been the motivation behind a plethora of  hand print art pieces, overcooked eggs, and whispered sibling fights.  As we get older, we go through the entire "Things Remembered" collection  knowing that Mom will smile and seem genuinely thrilled with just about anything that has our picture or name on it.  We stand elbow to elbow in the card section at Target picking out the perfect card, or the one card that is left that has a matching envelope and is not in a language we don't speak.  Some years, we go all out and get her something really good like a massage or art made by an actual artist, and Mom's reaction is not just genuine, it's off the charts because she had given up hope of ever getting a gift she really likes.  However, in spite of our stumbling through early morning kitchen destruction, mediocre gifts and buying the same card two years in a row, our moms really are always so thankful on Mother's Day.  They walk around with big smiles and relish well-wishes from family and strangers alike.  For years, it has been a mystery to me why moms are so appreciative when we often don't do such a great job of celebrating them.  

Then, I had a child of my own.  For the past ten months I have been a real life, in the trenches, 24/7 mommy.  Motherhood is a whirlwind!  Some days you feel made for it and some days you think you're completely failing.  Some days you can't remember life before being a mommy and some days you can't remember your name.  It is exhausting and exhilarating.  It is painful and precious.  It is  terrifying and thrilling.  It is jolting and joyful.  It is by far the greatest job I've ever had in my life, even when I'm up at 3am with a teething child who doesn't understand why her mouth hurts.  The gift of a child that you get to love and comfort and shape and teach is tremendous.  The fact that God has trusted you with His precious creation and is letting you represent His love and grace and comfort is humbling and awe-inspiring.  Which is why, I'm looking forward to all of the random, hand crafted,  dollar-store gifts that will come my way in years to come.  The gift of being a mom is truly the apex of gifts.  There is nothing greater that I can be given, and every time I hear "Happy Mother's Day" this year, I'll be thinking about my precious gift and the joy permanently residing in my heart because of her existence.  

Of course, you can still TRY to give a great gift.  Spa days are great, jewelry is always good, and if you have a mom like me, you can't go wrong with a great pair of shoes! Hand print optional.  :)

  

#TBT Share for Grieving, Hopeful Moms & Moms-to-Be

Throwback Thursday seemed like the best day to repost something I shared last year for Mother's Day.  Please share it with any woman in your life that you think it might bring comfort to this week.  Please, continue to pray for all of the women out there hoping to be moms, mourning lost children, and just trying to get through another Mother's Day.  You are always in my prayers. You are always in God's heart.  You are not forgotten! 

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;

your walls are ever before me.   Isaiah 49:16

For the Brokenhearted Mothers & Mothers-to-Be

How to Recover From a Sudden Change in Plans

I had a plan for today.  It was a really good plan. A plan I was excited about.   However, in the last hour, that plan was thrown out the window completely.  I had no say in the changes, they just happened.  Now, I must confess I woke up in one of those funky, can't be explained, everything is going to bug me today kind of moods.  I found myself overly irritated with the screen door on my patio and annoyed by my left big toe (neither of those are worth further explanation), so you can imagine, as my carefully planned out day began to fall apart, I was not in the right state of mind to receive that news.   Fortunately for me, my thoughts are not the only ones dancing around in my head.  No, I'm not hearing voices, I'm hearing The Voice. And no, I don't mean Blake, Adam, Usher, or Xtina.  I'm talking about the Holy Spirit.  He lives in me, speaks to me, comforts me, convicts me, and reminds me who I am.  Thank God for Him, because I was on track for a full on adult fit that was going to include wearing pjs all day and buying large amounts of ice cream.  Instead of that bratty tantrum, the thought that He whispered to me was, "if your plan for the day has suddenly changed, look out for the divine appointment!"

Divine appointments are meetings or encounters with people that God intentionally set up with great purpose.  These are those moments when you happen to be sitting on the plane next to someone who doesn't know Christ but is curious about the book you're reading that happens to be by your pastor. When you're in the gym locker room putting on your t-shirt from last year's student ministry camp and the person getting dressed next to you asks about it and happens to have a teenage son in need of something to do this summer.  It might be as simple as the next client coming into your office is in the midst of a personal crisis, and your kindness will be their first glimpse of God's grace today.  You never know when or with whom your divine appointment  is going to be, but I firmly believe they always pop up on the days when my schedule goes out the window.  My baby falling asleep for her morning nap two hours early and my babysitter canceling this afternoon may seem like inconveniences, but I know that God has someone He wants me to encounter today, so He had to rearrange my day to get me in the right places at the right time.   There was nothing wrong with the places I was going to go today, they just weren't on His divine agenda.  He's not surprised by the changes in my day, He's laying out a new course to get me where He wants me to be, starting with this post.  Now it's up to me. I can sit and pout and miss my chance to be used by Him, or I can keep my eyes open for the divine appointment and have a purpose filled day.  I'm going for purpose!

Has God changed your plans recently?  Did you catch your divine appointment?  Share your experience in the comments below.  It will help encourage us all to be on the look out.

Feeling Fabulous at 40!

I confess, I did not expect this to be the title of my birthday blog post.  My perspective on turning forty was developed in my teenage years when I first saw this moment in "When Harry Met Sally": 

I've quoted that line too many times to count, with the same melodramatic despair  Meg Ryan used when she said, "someday".  Turning forty was synonymous with an ending in my mind.  The end of being young and all that I associate with youth.  The end of fun and frivolity.  The end of spontaneity and adventure.  Just, the end.  My feelings about forty were beginning to show a few months ago as the new year approached when my very practical husband said to me, "The alternative is to be dead, so I want you to turn forty."  Sometimes a simple truth can slap you out of your melodrama. 

Once I turned off the voice of Meg Ryan, I was able to take a good look at my life and what forty was really going to mean.  Here I sit, turning forty, and I'm in the middle of one of the sweetest seasons of my life.  I'm in a marriage that grows stronger every day, because I married a man that loves God first and is committed to having a healthy relationship with me.  I'm enjoying all of the amazing firsts that come with the first year of my sweet daughter's life.  I have incredible family and friends who are there for laughs as well as support and encouragement.  I'm unbelievably blessed to get to use the gifts that God has given me as a speaker and be a part of so many different ministries and churches as I pursue the ministry God has given me.  Even more, I have all these years of life experience, wisdom and faith to fall back on as I face whatever new challenges or trials I may face.  Getting older really is about getting better. 

Oh sure, I don't have the body of a nineteen year old anymore (and boy that was such a great body), but I'm happy to trade it for no longer having the foolishness of a nineteen year old.  I may not have the energy I had when I was twenty-five, but I'm so glad to not have the insecurities I had then. At forty I have so much more security, confidence, faith, and peace than I had in my younger years that I can't help but feel great about where I am and what is to come.  

I share this to encourage you as you age.  We live in a world that puts so much emphasis on looking young and being young that it is easy to think of getting older as a bad thing, when in fact we gain a lot with each year of life we live.  As we continue to persevere through life, we have the opportunity to become better at handling all that life throws at us.  We also have more to share with others and a greater appreciation for all of the blessings that come our way.  As it turns out, I don't feel the least bit old, but I do feel more sure of who I am and what my purpose is on this planet, and that makes turning forty feel fabulous!

In This New Year

I'm not one to make New Year's resolutions.  I used to do it, but I never really gave it much thought.  I knew people would ask me about them so I treated resolutions like a white elephant gift exchange.  I just grabbed onto one, knowing I would never keep it and tucked it away to throw back in the pile next year.  Eventually, I stopped all together because it felt like lying.  Well, it was lying in my case as I had no intention of following through on the resolution.  Despite my disinterest in resolutions, however, yesterday I began to think about how the new year is such a great time for fresh starts.  Something about a blank, fresh calendar acts like a switch in my brain and makes me want to commit to doing something new. 

And there it was.  The word that had been missing from my New Year's vocabulary all along.  Commitment. That is a word I take seriously. I don't throw it around easily, but give any commitment great forethought and treat it as sacred once made.  Resolution is defined as a firm decision to do or not do something.  Commitment is defined as the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, person, activity, etc.  The resolution may be the deciding moment to head in a new direction, but it is the commitment that keeps you there.  Some fifteen years ago I decided to give my life to Christ, but the next step was committing myself to Him daily.  I decided that Maurice was the one for me, but when we got married, I committed the rest of my days to being his wife.  A commitment is solid, unwavering, and bigger than any obstacle that might come against it.  

In this new year, I'm making new commitments.  I'm praying through the things I need to work on to be a better believer, better model of Christ's word, better wife, and better mother.  I'm asking God to show me on which of these things I should focus. With His guidance, I will decide what my next commitment(s) will be and then I will do just that, commit.

What about you?  What are you committing to in this New Year?