BFF

This past week, I had the privilege of speaking to my fellow sisters of Flavour at my church home.  The topic of the talk was friendships and having the right friends in your life.  It is a topic that is easy for me to speak about because I'm blessed with the most incredible friends.  The lesson from the Flavour team gave guidelines for finding the right friends.  Look for women who are trustworthy, honest, encouraging, and yielded to God.  As I was preparing for the lesson,  it guided me to try to think of a different friend in my life that represented each of these qualities.  My problem was not in trying to come up with four friends, but WHICH four friends.  The phrase "my cup runneth over" is so aptly applied to how richly blessed I am in my friendships.   

It always makes me sad when I hear women say they don't have any close girl friends.  I hear all kinds of reasons for it.  For some, they've relocated and not yet made new friends.  Others say they've never gotten along with women and prefer to hang with men.  Some will flat out say they don't trust women because they are too "messy" and can't be trusted.  I've moved several times, so I understand how hard it is to make new friends in a new place.  I've certainly had times in my life when it was a lot easier to hang with the guys, and I don't know woman alive over the age of 13 that hasn't had a "mean  girl" experience.  However, none of these are reasons to give up completely on finding loving, honest, women of God to walk with you through life.  I can not imagine how I would have made it through the most difficult times of my life without my friends. Not to mention all of the fun and laughs we have together.    
God created us to be relational beings.  While our relationship with Christ is ultimately the most important in our lives, God's word also emphasizes the importance of friendships. 

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone?A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

My closest friends do exactly this in my life. They help me up when I fall. They encourage me, pray for me, remind of what is right, and call me out when I'm wrong. They have my back in every situation, but always in a way that is pleasing to God.  I can share my problems and struggles with them and trust them to keep what I say private.  They laugh with me and not at me (well most of the time-sometimes I'm laughing at me too), and they love me for who I am.  

I have an amazing husband and an incredible family, but without my close friends, I would be missing a lot of love and support.  If you don't know how to start finding friends like this, let me encourage you to first make sure you are ready to be a friend like this.  Be someone that other women can trust and count out.  Be compassionate, loving, and encouraging.  Be ready to speak the truth in love and pray for the needs of others.  Beyond this, take the initiative.  Look for the women at your church who display these qualities and invite them to lunch or dinner.  Make the time and invest it in those with whom you want to be closer. Friendships take time and effort to build but are certainly worth it. Some of my closest friends have come into my life in just the last five  years, so don't give up on making new friends.  Your new BFF may be waiting for you just around the corner.  

 

A Joyous Blessing

To all who mourn in Israel,

    he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,

a joyous blessing instead of mourning,

    festive praise instead of despair.

Isaiah 61:3

     Years ago, I was advised to pray scripture, to speak God's words back to Him as I shared my hurts, desires, praises, and thanks.  It was great advice that I have put into action before, but never have I seen it come to life as it has in the last year of my life.  In January of last year I was grieving the loss of the child I'd carried for twelve weeks before miscarrying on Christmas Eve.  I can't remember now if someone texted Isaiah 61 to me or if I just went to it on my own, but I definitely remember praying it fervently. I could not imagine at the time how my grief and despair could ever be turned into a "joyous blessing" or "festive praise", but I desperately wanted the Lord to ease the pain that was consuming me.  When I discovered I was pregnant again in early March only to miscarry a week later, I went back to praying this verse, but I was also questioning God.  "Lord, we don't seem to be headed in the right direction, AT ALL!"  I remember telling my closest family and friends, that my faith was not shaken but my heart was broken.  I knew all along that only God would be the answer to my sorrow, but from my very human perspective, I could not see a path out of the valley I was in.  My lowest point came at the end of May when the results of numerous test came back to tell me that my chances for being able to produce a healthy egg that would result in a healthy baby were extremely low. For about a week I was wrapped up in a cocoon of despair. As I wrestled with the Lord over this diagnosis, I remember praying for Him to take away my desire to be a mother if this was going to be my reality.  I knew that I was going to have to find peace, so I could continue to do the work of God that I have been called to do.  

      By mid-summer, the Lord had brought me back to a place of peace and contentment, and I found my joy for ministry in the exact place where He first called me to it: at camp with a bunch of high school kids.  I went to camp to share God's word with the students, and it was there that God gave me back my joy and let me know I could handle whatever was or was not to be in my future.  I would always have more than enough to be thankful for in my husband, my family, my friends, and ministry.  My praise became festive again, and my broken heart was mended by God's love and faithfulness. My longing to be a mother was still with me, so I knew that if God had not taken it away, He had a plan to grant my desire in the future in some way.  By the end of the summer, I was content to wait on His plan, His timing, and His way for that future. 

     One of my favorite things about God is when He acts in such a way that only He can get the credit.  Too often we pray for something and then try to answer our own prayers by manipulating circumstances and taking action that God has not actually called us to take; what we actually need to do is be still and let Christ be lord of our lives.  It was in a time of stillness that Jesus did exactly that in my life.  One month after my husband and I decided to take no extra measures or medications to help us conceive, we found ourselves pregnant!  Now, we are well into our 2nd trimester and the evidence of our blessing is beginning to show. As if the miracle of conception was not enough to let us know it was God taking action, the timing was further proof of God's love. Our due date of July 7th is in the same week of our due date last year.  I spent last July 4th filled with grief for what was not happening, but I'm trusting in God's will that this July 4th week will be full of joy and celebration.  

     As I go back to my Isaiah verse now, I am overwhelmed with the love and faithfulness of my God.  He truly has given me the crown of beauty, the joyous blessing, the festive praise in place of the ashes, mourning and despair that I was feeling just a year ago.  Even as I know that other times of sorrow will come into my life, my faith in His redemptive love is stronger than it has ever been, and I am certain that any future sorrow will also be turned back into joy because God loves me that much.  I share this with you all because I know that you too have sorrows in your life.  I know you are mourning and grieving losses and despairs of all kinds, and I want to encourage and reassure you that our heavenly Father is faithful and will bring you out of that place of sorrow into a place of joyous light if you simply trust Him to do it.