It's What Moms Do

As this Mother's Day drew near, I began to reflect on the wisdom I have gathered from the women in my life who are mothers, and I realized much of the wisdom I've gleaned from then has been observed, not spoken. We've all heard the saying, "actions speak louder than words."  The blessing of having so many fantastic moms in my life has been the opportunity to simply "listen" to their actions and take mental notes of the lessons they are teaching through living.  On this Mother's Day, I want to acknowledge them as I share what I have learned with you:

From my Mom I learned...that being a good mom means modeling Christ especially behind closed doors where only your kids might see you. 

From my Grandmother I learned...to express love to my children as often as I can and be their biggest cheerleader. 

From my Godmother, Emma I learned...to be sure my children know they have a place of safety with me. 

From my Mother-in-Love, Constance I learned...mothers make sacrifices for their kids without hesitation or regret. 

From Regina J. I learned...however exhausting it may be, consistency with my kids pays off in the long run and is a big part of loving them.  

From Kim B. I learned...you can love however many children God blesses you to have uniquely and fully! 

From Tania Q. I learned...to enjoy all the moments with my living children while remembering  my children in heaven.

From Lulie T. I learned...no past sin can negate my God-given ability to be a loving mother.

From Leslie A. I learned...to be the best mom I can be, I must be the best me I can be.

From Yanci Y. I learned...not to be afraid to let my kids get dirty, play hard, or fall down. 

From Lisa Y. I learned...to teach my kids to love God's house. 

From Patricia L. I learned...to teach my kids to celebrate their heritage while preparing them for a future of possibilities. 

From Julie R. I learned...to take parenting seriously but not take myself too seriously. 

From Ronique W. I learned...to cherish every second with kids, the good and the difficult. 

From Christie B. I learned...to give my kids every opportunity I can to discover their own creativity. 

From Marianne C. I learned...a listening ear and sincere hug are priceless. 

From Carissa B. I learned...if I use the gifts and talents God has blessed me with as I parent, my children will discover and use their own gifts and talents. 

From Liz S. I learned...if I enjoy my children at every age and stage, they will enjoy me in return. 

From Tianne M. I learned...to make the most of every moment you may have with your kids. God multiplies the impact of mama minutes. 

From Sarah H. I learned...your kids are capable of a lot more than most will give them credit for, so challenge them! 

From Bonnie L. I learned...to instill discipline AND fun in your daily lives! 

From Andrea T. I learned...staying calm and embracing the joy of motherhood makes it all easier! 

From Cindy T. I learned...you can raise your kids to be strong and independent, and still hold them in your heart as your babies.  

I get to come into contact with lots of mamas and observe their interactions with their own children. I pick up knowledge from what they don't say as much as from what they say. It is inspiring and uplifting. It is also a reminder of how much more actions matter than words. 

  

Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:18

I'm left wondering what others see in me as a mother. What am I modeling, not just for my kids, but for other moms and moms-to-be when they watch me parent? I hope I'm showing that God is the source of my strength as a mom, that the Bible is my guidebook as I parent, and that a relationship with Christ is my ultimate goal for my children. I hope I'm demonstrating patience, love, kindness, joy, compassion, and discipline in my mothering. I hope as the years pass, other moms can be encouraged and inspired by me as I am encouraged and inspired by these moms. Thank you and Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there teaching me every day! 

... And Then, I Got Pooped On!

So let's start with the fact that I know the title of this post is bad grammar (ended with a preposition), but in what for me is a very rare exception, I'm sacrificing grammar, and I will tell you why....

In March I gave birth to a sweet baby boy and became a mother of two.  I spent a great deal of time in the months prior praying for this period of transition; I had heard all manner of stories about transitioning from one to two children.  The first couple of weeks, my husband was home from work helping me get through the days.  When he went back to work full time, I strategically had my mom come up for  a few days the first week, and then my best friend came for a few days the next week, so I could postpone being in solo mom mode for a couple of weeks.  Finally, week five came, and I bit the bullet and went all in, on my own.  Two kids.  One mom.  Zone defense. (That's a sports reference for those of you who don't know).  Just me facing five full days with a newborn boy and a not yet two-year old girl.  GAME ON!   On day four of that week, I decided to try my first solo venture to the mall.  Not only could I do some needed shopping, but our mall has a children's library with activities for little ones, so I could provide some toddler entertainment and only have to get in and out of the car once.

I managed to assemble the double stroller (or baby bus as I like think of it), get everyone strapped in, remember to grab my purse and the diaper bag, and get inside the mall with no casualties.  We hit up the library for some fun, grabbed a couple of pretzels (because that is what I do at the mall), and I found some cute new tops--not to mention managed to maneuver that giant stroller through the tiny walkways of H&M.  In the midst of all that we stopped for a baby feeding/double diaper changing session that went smoothly, rode the elevator, avoided tears when we could not ride the escalator, and I got a delicious free sample of a chocolate truffle. So, I can tell you, I was feeling pretty good about myself.  Oh yeah, I've got this.  No problem.  I had one more item I was shopping for when my son let it be known that he was ready to eat again, so I took the two things I couldn't choose between to the counter to be held for 30 minutes while we took one more trip to the nursing room.  As I sat in the chair in the little room feeding my sweet boy and watching my girl "clean" the already spotless walls with a paper towel, I can confess I was congratulating myself on just how well the day was going and how smoothly I was handling two young kiddos, and then..., I got pooped on.

I heard the sound that anyone who has cared for a newborn would recognize and knew that we were going to be changing a serious diaper.  As I lifted my son up from my lap to take a peek, I saw a little leakage from the top of his shorts and diaper and thought, "good thing I packed an extra outfit".  Then I stood up  saw the yellow spots on my dress.  BIG yellow, baby poop spots on the white section of my white and black chevron maxi dress.  There I was, a half a mall away from my car, with  giant poop stains on the front of my dress and no alternative clothing. I'd bought shirts but no pants, so I could not change into my newly purchased clothes.  I needed to go back and finish my last purchase, but even if I skipped that, I still had a long, people filled mommy-walk-of-shame back to my car.   I mentally scrambled for a solution to my problem while my now content baby slept and my daughter delightedly kept repeating in a gleeful voice, " POOP, Mama, POOP!" It was at that moment I knew God was reminding me of something I'd forgotten way too quickly.  

You see, in the first couple of day of this solo week, I was feeling more than flustered.  I was getting through the days with both kids alive and managing to throw together meals, however things were not happening to my usual standard.  In a couple of conversations with my husband and my best friend I recognized that I was not giving myself much grace.  When it comes to me, I don't have much patience for learning curves. I would tell anyone else, to be patient and recognize it has only been a few weeks, but I set impossibly high expectations for myself.  I had to be reminded by my spouse and friend that I'm just getting started in this new season, and it is going to take a "minute" for me to find my new rhythm.   I also had to remember that I was not supposed to be operating under my own power and ability,  but should be relying on God for all I need.  Fortunately, I had managed to spend some time with God each day that week with some creativity -- yes, one afternoon I put both kids in the car and drove through the neighborhood drinking my Starbucks latte and listening to the audio bible and praise music.  Whatever works, people! One of the verses that God sent my way in that time was Ephesians 2:10:

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (NIV) 

My new status of mother of two is something that God has prepared me in advanced to do.  That does mean, that He has prepared me to handle all the ups and downs, but in His timing, according to His plan, and to His standard.  That does not mean, I won't need a minute (or months) to transition into this new role and find my rhythm. I find that every time I take on a new role there is a period of transition that requires a great deal of humility and extra dependence on God before I become comfortable in said new position.  That was true for every career change, becoming a minister, becoming a wife, and becoming a mom. There is no such thing as me "getting it" on my own.  The humbling part is me realizing that I am only capable and successful because God has empowered me.  The extra dependence on  God is really me being aware of the fact that God is in control, and I must depend on Him daily.  When we become comfortable in our roles or routines, we often forget how much we are relying on God for each step we take; we can arrogantly begin to believe that we are doing this all on our own.  

I had spent two days of the week frustrated because I wasn't "getting it" and having to be reminded that I must be patient and completely dependent on God to have the success He has mapped out for me.  I spent a day praying for God to help me be more reliant on Him, to give me patience with myself, and to get out of the way as He shapes me into the mom He wants me to be.  Then, just one day later, I was suddenly giving myself a standing ovation for being awesome at stroller pushing and shopping while mothering.  I'm not saying taking care of two little ones under the age of two is a breeze, I'm just pointing out how quickly I was giving myself credit  and applause for the very thing I'd just acknowledged had to come from God.  The poop in my lap was a tangible reminder, that no matter how prepare I think I am or in control I think I may be, only God can see everything that is coming, and only with Him can I navigate the highs and lows.  As I hiked up my poop covered maxi dress making it calf-lenth instead of ankle length, and tied my wrap closed to cover the stain temporarily, I had to laugh and thank God for a solution that was humbling, but not humiliating while I reminded myself yet again, that I NEED GOD to do EVERYTHING! 

I'm sharing this for those of you, okay, those of us, who know in our hearts that we depend on the Lord, but sometimes get it into our heads, that we are running things for ourselves.  This is a reminder for all of us who like to control our situation, plan ahead, check things off the list, and bask in that sense of accomplishment when we succeed.  We have to remember that only God is truly in control.  We are only successful because God has empowered us to be and made a way for us to be.  We may be struggling in a new role, but we can give ourselves grace because God ordained that struggle so that we will keep Him at the center of all we do.  I'm sharing this so you can remember and embrace the humility and dependence that comes with being God's child.  I'm sharing this, so you can do all of this and maybe, just maybe avoid some poop! 

In Anticipation of the Sweet, Black Boy Growing in My Womb

If all goes according to the countdown on my iPhone and, more importantly, if God wills it,  in just a few months, I will get to hold my son in my arms.  Like most mothers anticipating the birth of a child I am already wondering what he will look like.  Will he have his father's eyes?  His sister's dimples? My lips?  I have already been unable to resist buying a few adorable outfits and accessories (do guys call them accessories? is there a "manlier" term?)  I have imagined how my daughter will respond to him and done a small bit of worrying over the future arguments and tussles that are to be expected between siblings.  I have prayed for him to have a healthy body, a sharp mind, a loving heart, and a compassionate spirit that will yield easily to the Savior at a young age.  I have also prayed for his daddy's height, quick feet, and sure hands that could turn into a pleasant college basketball career. Just college, as I'm not that into the NBA. After which he can parlay his experience on the court and in his honors classes at Blank University into a stellar career.  

I pray in anticipation for his health. I pray in anticipation for his future.  I pray in anticipation for his salvation. And lately, I find myself praying in anticipation for how the people, ALL the people of our nation will perceive him.  Lately, I pray against the fear that creeps up in my heart, the fear of how some people will look at my son, will think of my son simply because he is black.  I know that some of you who read my blog are not black and you may or may not be struggling with the current stories in the news and the protests happening, and I don't know more than you do about the individuals that are the focus of these stories.  However, I do know that there are certain things I will teach my children to keep them safe above and beyond the basics of following the laws of the land and being respectful of authority.  I will teach them a caution that I was taught, that my husband was taught is necessary because of how we can sometimes be perceived based on the color of our skin. 

I don't know the details are the day to day lives of the boys in the news stories over the last few years, but I know that I have had women clutch their purses tighter because I was next to them in line at the checkout.  My husband and I have sat in a movie theater several times and had people leave the seats on either side of us empty while having no problem sitting right next to the white couple in front of us.  We've had elevator doors open and watched a woman choose to not get on, because somehow we look threatening in our Gap clothes and natural hair.  My husband has been followed by the police while jogging through his own neighborhood.  I have been followed through department stores by the security personnel, yes, in recent years.  A year ago, when I failed to realize my lights on my car were not on auto (thanks oil change guys) I was pulled over along with a girlfriend who happens to be black (and a pastor) seconds after pulling out of a restaurant parking lot.  We immediately recognized the problem and turned on my lights and then the officer asked for my drivers license just to be sure I was clear to go, which made perfect sense.  However, he also asked for my friend's license.  I'd never had an officer ask for the ID of a passenger in my car, and when I very politely asked him why, his response was, "We catch a lot of drug dealers and thieves this way."  Apparently we were giving off that drug dealer/thief vibe. Must have been the leftover pasta in the back seat. 

I think about those and countless other incidents in my life where I have been reminded in  little ways that I'm viewed as the same by some people in our nation, and I pray fervently for the safety of my children, especially my unborn son.  I pray because however intentional my husband and I plan to be as we raise them, they will be kids and teenagers someday.  They will think themselves invincible as all teenagers do someday.  They will make foolish choices big and small as we all did when we were teenagers.  And they will simply walk down a street in our own neighborhood someday and perhaps be perceived as a threat by someone who sees everyone with brown skin as a threat.  I pray, fervently that God will protect them both from their own youthful foolishness and from the fear of others.  I pray that in the immediate years to come, things will change radically in our nation.  I pray that some of you who read this with skepticism and arguments at the ready, will just pause and ask God to fill your hearts and minds with compassion for a state of existence that you might not completely understand.  As I write this, I'm not interested in picking sides or winning an argument.  I'm simply a mother who wants her children to grow up in the best environment possible.  I'm a mother who loves her unborn son, and wants to believe that he will be judged by his character and his actions, not his appearance.  I'm just a mother anticipating the birth of her sweet, black boy who doesn't want to be fearful for his future.  

Change is Good. Right?

I have a love/hate relationship with change. On the one hand, I can get bored when things are stagnate, so I want to see things in my life change up. On the other hand, there are elements of my life that I like just as they are, so a change in those areas threatens my happy place. Whatever, my feeling may be, change happens. It keeps happening. It will always happen.

Some changes we make ourselves, while others are made for us. Some happen directly to us, while others happen near or around us. All change impacts us in some way, shape or form. As I think about the last five years of my life, the list of changes I've encountered is long: marriage, motherhood, career shift, best friend moving away, sister moving closer, canceling cable TV, signing up for Nerflix. Okay, all the changes aren't monumental, but all have impacted some aspect of my life or another. 

Navigating through change successfully is all about learning to have the right attitude in the midst of it.  I don't believe God expects us to like every change in our life, but I know He expects us to respond well to every change. When we respond to change with hopelessness, bitterness, or sin, we fail to show the world that our foundation is Jesus Christ. It is imperative to remember that our response to change will either bring God glory or fail to reflect Christ. 

I'm not saying you will never experience fear or anger or sadness in the midst of change. That is going to happen. My question is, what actions do you allow to accompany those feelings?  Do you lash out in anger? Do you curse God in grief?  Do you return to sinful behavior out of fear? You don't have to be a robot, but your actions should flow from your faith, not your feelings. 

The best way to be prepared for change is to be in close relationship to Christ. Proximity is everything. Talking to God daily by praying and reading the Bible will put you in the right position when change arrives. Too often, we let the steady times in our lives lull us into complacency and stop connecting to God, or we allow the business of our daily lives squeeze out our God time.  I've been just as guilty of this as you have, believe me, and because I have, I know how detrimental it is to my peace of mind when change arrives, to have fallen off my game.   I can attest that daily time with the Savior has prepared me for changes that I didn't even know were coming, whether it was a verse that days later took on new meaning, or a sense  during my prayer time that something was right around the corner.  I can also attest to the whiplash effect change has had in my life when I was not in daily contact with God.  I found myself scrambling and having a poor initial reaction to the change in front of me.

As believers, we all want to please the Lord.  We all want to represent Christ well.  We all want to be evidence of His grace and mercy to others.  When we face change, we can do all of these things and do them well, so long as we remember who God is, how very much He loves us, and the fact that He is in complete control.  Here are some tips on handling change: 

1. If you've been out of the Word, GET BACK IN! - Now, is definitely the time to restart your daily interaction with God. You can't hear from Him if you're not reading the words He's given you in the Bible! 
2. Focus on hope instead of despair - Have an attitude that shows you trust God has His best for you, not an attitude that looks like you're giving up.
3. Smile instead of frown- Your countenance (facial expression/body language) communicate more than you think, and I find that when I focus on smiling during change, I tend to have a more positive outlook.  I know it sounds simple, but it really does matter!
4. Talk about the good stuff instead of the bad stuff - Your words are more powerful than you know. Let others (and yourself) hear the good possibilities with the change, not just the bad. 
5. Work off your anger - The change you're facing may be upsetting, but you don't want that anger to lead you to sin, so work it off.  Run it out if that works for you, punch a pillow if that's your thing, do some angry cleaning (one of my favorites).  Find a physical, harmless way to process through that anger so you can get to the hope and positive attitude that much faster! 
6. Avoid temptation - Fear and anger can leave you vulnerable to sinful habits that fool you with temporary and false feelings of relief.  You know your weak areas - guard them carefully in this season. 

Here are some of my favorite verses to revisit when I face change:

• Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.   Matthew 6:34
• Our ancestors trusted in You, and You rescued them. You heard their cries for help and saved them.  They put their trust in You and were never disappointed.  Psalm 22:4-5
• For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long.  Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever.   2 Corinthians 4:17

What change are you facing right now?  What steps will you take to respond to it well? Feel free to share in the comments below.  I'd love to pray with you through your season of change!

Why I'm So Sad About Robin Williams...

Whether the scene that comes to mind is Mrs. Doubtfire dancing with the vacuum cleaner,  students jumping on their desk saying "O Captain, my Captain," a blue genie dancing and singing in a cave, a bearded therapist hugging a sobbing genius, or one of a thousand other scenes that made us laugh or cry or a bit of both, the fact is Robin Williams had a huge impact on the entertainment industry and the world.  His rapid fire wit and general aura of kindness made him lovable on screen and off.  If I was flipping channels and saw he was going to be interviewed on any talk show, I was definitely stopping because I knew I'd be laughing out loud in less than a minute.  His gift of portraying humor on screen and off was only matched by his ability to convey compassion, and while I only knew him from the perspective of a fan, I just believed that he was a caring and sweet man in real life. I never thought he was perfect, and I was aware that he'd struggled with substance abuse over the years, but like everyone else, I was devastated to hear the news of his suicide last night.  

This morning, as I watch the morning shows revisit his past roles and share truths from his life off screen, I'm struck by how very sad I am for the loss of a man I never knew personally.  My sadness is not just about the fact that he's gone but also about the disease that likely caused his death, depression.  It breaks my heart to know that while he was making so many of us laugh and feel good, he was struggling inside to feel any joy in his own life.  It's estimated that over 121 million people worldwide suffer from some form of depression.  While I personally have only walked through situational depression after personal loss, I have supported close friends and family through diagnosed depression, and I'm very aware of the suffocating weight that comes with it.  Depression is not a made up excuse, it's not sadness, it's not a few bad days.  It is a devastating disease that needs to be treated with the help of professionals.  Unfortunately, too many people dismiss depression and underestimate the significance of it.  Too many people experience shame or a sense of failure when faced with a diagnosis of depression, forgetting that it is a disease in the same way cancer is a disease: not something you asked for, not something you could have prevented, and not something you can ignore.  Depression is not a lack of faith or spirituality either.  You can know Christ and have a strong faith and still be hit with depression.  

As I've taken this journey with my loved ones, I've watched varying reactions to their diagnoses.  Denial is a common response because depression comes with symptoms that are particularly hard for the sufferer to see.  There is not a simple blood test that can tell you yes you suffer from depression, so for many the diagnosis is that much harder to accept. A common theme is a reluctance to take medication to help alleviate the symptoms of depression.  I can't count how many times I've told a depressed loved one that there is no shame in taking medication for their depression, comparing it to medication that we take for any other disease or disorder like diabetes or allergies.  Perhaps the thing that is the most frustrating, from what I've witnessed, is the reoccurrence of the disease after a period of peace; if getting on the medication and seeking therapy the first time was hard, having to revisit these treatments after thinking the depression was gone for good is even more daunting for the sufferer.  Yet, it is imperative that those who suffer from depression are diagnosed and treated by professionals. The type and length of treatments required can vary, but like any disease, left untreated depression can be debilitating and even deadly.  

For those of us who love someone who is experiencing this disease, we have a vital role to play.  We may be the ones to help our loved one identify that something is wrong.  We need to be encouraging and supportive.  We have to recognize the seriousness of the disease, not ignore it.  We have to celebrate when our loved one seeks help, not dismiss it or even worse shame them.  We have to pray for them with the same fervor we have when we hear of someone having cancer or ALS or Parkinson's or any other disease that we know devastates and destroys life.  We must talk about depression with the same mix of respect and gravity that we give those diseases and not write it off or diminish the power with which it can wreak havoc on a life.  

Today, I'm praying for the loved ones of Robin Williams who are grieving the loss of their husband, father, brother, and friend.  Even more, I'm praying for all of the millions out there who are suffering from depression. I'm praying that they are seeking help for their illness.  I'm praying that those who love them are supporting them to the best of their ability.  I'm praying that we all do what we can to support and encourage those in our lives who suffer from this disease.  I'm going to remember Mr. Williams for the laughter and acting genius that he brought into my own life.  I'm going to let his death be my reminder to never forget the dangerous power of depression.  

Posting on the Go: Desert Song reminded me...

Okay, I'm going to make this quick. I'm sitting in my car waiting to pick my sister up to grab lunch, listening to my praise station on Pandora and a song I haven't heard in years just came on...

It's a classic, if you ask me. If you don't know it, Google it right now and listen, because you need to know it. The last few weeks I have heard from friends, family, and new acquaintances all going through various trials. Sick children, hollow marriages, lonely seasons, struggles at work.  In each conversation, I have given encouragement and comfort where I could.   I've texted scriptures and left prayers on voicemails. And I have felt inadequate in so many of these moments. It is harder to watch those I love suffer than it is to go through things myself, especially knowing I can't fix anything. 

As I sang along with the chorus I thought of those recent conversations and how many of those women are still having to bring praise in the midst of very tough seasons. And then I got to the final verse: 

    This is my prayer in the harvest

    When favor and providence flow

    I know I'm filled to be emptied again

    The seed I've received I will sow

I'm so thankful that God allows us all to have peaceful seasons, times in our lives when we aren't going through a crisis, so we can be the encouragers for others. However inadequate I may feel in those moments, I am fulfilling my God-given purpose when I am available to listen to, encourage, and support others through their hard times. We will all have difficult seasons, but in our good seasons let us not forget to love on others, to pour out God's love on others, and to not diminish the value of that opportunity. 

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 

What season are you in?  If you are in a troubled season let me encourage you to keep praising and trust God for the victory. If you are in a peaceful season, look around you for someone to pour into. Sow the seed you have received.  Please, share your current season in the comments below. I'd love to pray for you!

Listen, Please!

A while back I walked into one of those specialty stores in the mall that is all about skincare.  You know the type with all the various lotions, cremes, moisturizers, bath salts and more in scents that smell like everything from a beautiful garden to a delicious desert.  It was winter time and, per usual for that season, I was looking for something to combat the dry skin that comes with winter, not because I don't own anything, but because I like to add to my collection of delightfully scented moisturizers upon occasion just to indulge my inner princess.  She's in there.  She may be buried under a bad hair day, an overflowing laundry basket, and an overstuffed inbox, but that she's in there and wants to be pampered sometimes.  One thing I also love about these stores is the opportunity to sample various items while being greeted by friendly staff eager to aide in the pampering process.  On this particular occasion, I was immediately greeted by one of those smiling faces.   To keep things interesting and fresh, I'd chosen a store I don't typically shop in, but it's a favorite for my sis, so I thought it was long past time to give them a try. The saleswoman asked me, 

"What can I help you find today?"

Standing in front of the section that held all of their moisturizing cremes and lotions, I asked, "Which of these would say is the absolute best for dry skin?"  A simple question for this type of store, I expected her to point out one or two products and was ready to sample them and choose my favorite scent.  

Her response, "Well, actually, it doesn't matter what moisturizer you use. The key to defeating dry skin is to exfoliate.  Do you exfoliate?"  

A bit thrown by her response, but not unaware of the concept, I said, "Yes I do,  but…"

She interrupted to continue, "People don't give enough credit to exfoliating.  You can lather on tons of lotion, but you won't get soft skin without exfoliating…blah…blah…blah." 

I'm not saying blah, blah to save time.  I really have no idea what came next.  By this point I'd realized she was not going to answer my question, and her voice became an adult on Charlie Brown cartoons.  I'll pause while you make the sound for fun.  Okay, back to the story.  You see, she missed my question.  I didn't ask her the key to defeating dry skin.  I asked her which moisturizer was best.  Had she given me an answer to my initial question, she would likely have kept my attention and made a sale that day.  Instead, she got my drill team smile, and a polite thank you as I exited as soon as she took enough of a breath for me to excuse myself without being rude.  Even when she initially asked her ever important exfoliating question, she could have held onto me, had she just heard me say  "yes,  I do."  Unfortunatley, she steamrolled over that opportunity to get back on track, and lost me completely.  

As I quickly strolled away, vowing in my head never to return unless I want a lecture, I was shaking my head at her failure to listen well.  This week, as God began to put the idea of listening on my heart, this encounter came back to me, and the lesson of conviction slid right home with it.  How many times have I been guilty of the same thing.  Someone asks me a question, a simple question about God, church, the Bible, Jesus, heaven, etc and instead of taking the time to listen, I launch into my practiced lecture on something kind of related, but COMPLETELY MISS THE QUESTION!  How many of those people were hearing the "WAH WAH WAH" of Charlie Brown's mom, and waiting for their first opportunity to escape me for good!  Why do I do this?  Why do we do this? Why do we fail to listen?  

The simple answer is we overcomplicate things. The questions people ask us about God are typically simple.  The answers may feel complex, but the truths about God that matter most, the things that are crucial to someone coming to know the Lord, accepting Jesus Christ,  and changing their eternal destiny are not really hard.  Sure there are some complex concepts out there; there are things left in mystery that we are never going to understand this side of heaven,  but I can confidently say most of the times I've been asked questions by someone really in need, really seeking God, the question being asked and it's accompanying answer were not that complex.  I let my fear of getting the answer right, my pride of wanting to sound knowledgeable, or my ignorance for lack of being prepared overcomplicate a simple situation.  We must be ready at all times with the simple answers to the simple questions about God.  2 Timothy 4:2 says, 

"Preach the word of God. Be prepared, whether the time is favorable or not. Patiently correct, rebuke, and encourage your people with good teaching."  

To be ready at all times means we must be in close contact with God all the time.  We should be praying daily for opportunities to encounter those with questions, praying to be good listeners, and praying for the simple answers to be on the tip of our tongues.  God will answer these prayers, but He tells us clearly that we don't have what we don't ask for.   We can't let fear overtake us, because to do so means we think it all depends on us when we should know it all depends on Him.  We have to stop our pride from running rampant and causing us to grandstand because that actually makes us an obstacle to God's plan rather than a instrument of His plan.  We can't let ignorance be an option at all, so we must read the Bible, pray, and attend church regularly.  God uses all of these things to plant in us what we will need at the opportune time.  

And most importantly, learn to pause. Take a breath, look the person speaking to you dead in the eye, and LISTEN, please, to what the person is saying.  If someone asks you, "Am I going to go to hell because I'm getting a divorce?"  You don't go into a deep lecture on what Jesus said in Matthew about divorce, you listen.  This person is going through a heartbreaking experience and is afraid he now faces eternal damnation.  Your answer is simple, "If you believe in your heart that Jesus Christ is Lord, that He died for your sins, and that He has defeated death so you can live forever with God in heaven, then absolutely not!"  Then pause, and listen to what they say/ask next.  If a teenager asks you, "Aren't all religions just praying to the same God?" You don't need to go into a history of Abraham, Isaac and Ismael or talk about polytheism vs monotheism (if you don't know those words, it really is okay).  Listen and recognize this is a young person at a crucial time in her life trying to decide what she believes for herself.  She needs clear and simple truth. You simply need to know to say, "No they are not.  There is only one true God."   As believers, our answers don't need to be politically correct, watered down, condescending, or overly didactic.  They need to be loving, honest, clear, and kind.   I don't know what question you may face next, but I do know the worst answer you can give is to not answer simply and clearly.  

The next time you face one of these moments, I hope you'll think of me and my quest for a good moisturizer and remember to listen. 

"Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish."

Proverbs 18:13

Finding the Perfect Mother's Day Gift

Mother's Day is one of those holidays that most people don't know how it came to exist, but go along with it anyway.  From the time we are tiny our dads, grandmas, or older siblings told us on this particular Sunday of the each year, we needed to make something special for Mommy, cook her breakfast in bed, and, most importantly, be especially good.   These instructions have been the motivation behind a plethora of  hand print art pieces, overcooked eggs, and whispered sibling fights.  As we get older, we go through the entire "Things Remembered" collection  knowing that Mom will smile and seem genuinely thrilled with just about anything that has our picture or name on it.  We stand elbow to elbow in the card section at Target picking out the perfect card, or the one card that is left that has a matching envelope and is not in a language we don't speak.  Some years, we go all out and get her something really good like a massage or art made by an actual artist, and Mom's reaction is not just genuine, it's off the charts because she had given up hope of ever getting a gift she really likes.  However, in spite of our stumbling through early morning kitchen destruction, mediocre gifts and buying the same card two years in a row, our moms really are always so thankful on Mother's Day.  They walk around with big smiles and relish well-wishes from family and strangers alike.  For years, it has been a mystery to me why moms are so appreciative when we often don't do such a great job of celebrating them.  

Then, I had a child of my own.  For the past ten months I have been a real life, in the trenches, 24/7 mommy.  Motherhood is a whirlwind!  Some days you feel made for it and some days you think you're completely failing.  Some days you can't remember life before being a mommy and some days you can't remember your name.  It is exhausting and exhilarating.  It is painful and precious.  It is  terrifying and thrilling.  It is jolting and joyful.  It is by far the greatest job I've ever had in my life, even when I'm up at 3am with a teething child who doesn't understand why her mouth hurts.  The gift of a child that you get to love and comfort and shape and teach is tremendous.  The fact that God has trusted you with His precious creation and is letting you represent His love and grace and comfort is humbling and awe-inspiring.  Which is why, I'm looking forward to all of the random, hand crafted,  dollar-store gifts that will come my way in years to come.  The gift of being a mom is truly the apex of gifts.  There is nothing greater that I can be given, and every time I hear "Happy Mother's Day" this year, I'll be thinking about my precious gift and the joy permanently residing in my heart because of her existence.  

Of course, you can still TRY to give a great gift.  Spa days are great, jewelry is always good, and if you have a mom like me, you can't go wrong with a great pair of shoes! Hand print optional.  :)

  

#TBT Share for Grieving, Hopeful Moms & Moms-to-Be

Throwback Thursday seemed like the best day to repost something I shared last year for Mother's Day.  Please share it with any woman in your life that you think it might bring comfort to this week.  Please, continue to pray for all of the women out there hoping to be moms, mourning lost children, and just trying to get through another Mother's Day.  You are always in my prayers. You are always in God's heart.  You are not forgotten! 

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;

your walls are ever before me.   Isaiah 49:16

For the Brokenhearted Mothers & Mothers-to-Be

How to Recover From a Sudden Change in Plans

I had a plan for today.  It was a really good plan. A plan I was excited about.   However, in the last hour, that plan was thrown out the window completely.  I had no say in the changes, they just happened.  Now, I must confess I woke up in one of those funky, can't be explained, everything is going to bug me today kind of moods.  I found myself overly irritated with the screen door on my patio and annoyed by my left big toe (neither of those are worth further explanation), so you can imagine, as my carefully planned out day began to fall apart, I was not in the right state of mind to receive that news.   Fortunately for me, my thoughts are not the only ones dancing around in my head.  No, I'm not hearing voices, I'm hearing The Voice. And no, I don't mean Blake, Adam, Usher, or Xtina.  I'm talking about the Holy Spirit.  He lives in me, speaks to me, comforts me, convicts me, and reminds me who I am.  Thank God for Him, because I was on track for a full on adult fit that was going to include wearing pjs all day and buying large amounts of ice cream.  Instead of that bratty tantrum, the thought that He whispered to me was, "if your plan for the day has suddenly changed, look out for the divine appointment!"

Divine appointments are meetings or encounters with people that God intentionally set up with great purpose.  These are those moments when you happen to be sitting on the plane next to someone who doesn't know Christ but is curious about the book you're reading that happens to be by your pastor. When you're in the gym locker room putting on your t-shirt from last year's student ministry camp and the person getting dressed next to you asks about it and happens to have a teenage son in need of something to do this summer.  It might be as simple as the next client coming into your office is in the midst of a personal crisis, and your kindness will be their first glimpse of God's grace today.  You never know when or with whom your divine appointment  is going to be, but I firmly believe they always pop up on the days when my schedule goes out the window.  My baby falling asleep for her morning nap two hours early and my babysitter canceling this afternoon may seem like inconveniences, but I know that God has someone He wants me to encounter today, so He had to rearrange my day to get me in the right places at the right time.   There was nothing wrong with the places I was going to go today, they just weren't on His divine agenda.  He's not surprised by the changes in my day, He's laying out a new course to get me where He wants me to be, starting with this post.  Now it's up to me. I can sit and pout and miss my chance to be used by Him, or I can keep my eyes open for the divine appointment and have a purpose filled day.  I'm going for purpose!

Has God changed your plans recently?  Did you catch your divine appointment?  Share your experience in the comments below.  It will help encourage us all to be on the look out.