It's What Moms Do

As this Mother's Day drew near, I began to reflect on the wisdom I have gathered from the women in my life who are mothers, and I realized much of the wisdom I've gleaned from then has been observed, not spoken. We've all heard the saying, "actions speak louder than words."  The blessing of having so many fantastic moms in my life has been the opportunity to simply "listen" to their actions and take mental notes of the lessons they are teaching through living.  On this Mother's Day, I want to acknowledge them as I share what I have learned with you:

From my Mom I learned...that being a good mom means modeling Christ especially behind closed doors where only your kids might see you. 

From my Grandmother I learned...to express love to my children as often as I can and be their biggest cheerleader. 

From my Godmother, Emma I learned...to be sure my children know they have a place of safety with me. 

From my Mother-in-Love, Constance I learned...mothers make sacrifices for their kids without hesitation or regret. 

From Regina J. I learned...however exhausting it may be, consistency with my kids pays off in the long run and is a big part of loving them.  

From Kim B. I learned...you can love however many children God blesses you to have uniquely and fully! 

From Tania Q. I learned...to enjoy all the moments with my living children while remembering  my children in heaven.

From Lulie T. I learned...no past sin can negate my God-given ability to be a loving mother.

From Leslie A. I learned...to be the best mom I can be, I must be the best me I can be.

From Yanci Y. I learned...not to be afraid to let my kids get dirty, play hard, or fall down. 

From Lisa Y. I learned...to teach my kids to love God's house. 

From Patricia L. I learned...to teach my kids to celebrate their heritage while preparing them for a future of possibilities. 

From Julie R. I learned...to take parenting seriously but not take myself too seriously. 

From Ronique W. I learned...to cherish every second with kids, the good and the difficult. 

From Christie B. I learned...to give my kids every opportunity I can to discover their own creativity. 

From Marianne C. I learned...a listening ear and sincere hug are priceless. 

From Carissa B. I learned...if I use the gifts and talents God has blessed me with as I parent, my children will discover and use their own gifts and talents. 

From Liz S. I learned...if I enjoy my children at every age and stage, they will enjoy me in return. 

From Tianne M. I learned...to make the most of every moment you may have with your kids. God multiplies the impact of mama minutes. 

From Sarah H. I learned...your kids are capable of a lot more than most will give them credit for, so challenge them! 

From Bonnie L. I learned...to instill discipline AND fun in your daily lives! 

From Andrea T. I learned...staying calm and embracing the joy of motherhood makes it all easier! 

From Cindy T. I learned...you can raise your kids to be strong and independent, and still hold them in your heart as your babies.  

I get to come into contact with lots of mamas and observe their interactions with their own children. I pick up knowledge from what they don't say as much as from what they say. It is inspiring and uplifting. It is also a reminder of how much more actions matter than words. 

  

Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:18

I'm left wondering what others see in me as a mother. What am I modeling, not just for my kids, but for other moms and moms-to-be when they watch me parent? I hope I'm showing that God is the source of my strength as a mom, that the Bible is my guidebook as I parent, and that a relationship with Christ is my ultimate goal for my children. I hope I'm demonstrating patience, love, kindness, joy, compassion, and discipline in my mothering. I hope as the years pass, other moms can be encouraged and inspired by me as I am encouraged and inspired by these moms. Thank you and Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there teaching me every day! 

... And Then, I Got Pooped On!

So let's start with the fact that I know the title of this post is bad grammar (ended with a preposition), but in what for me is a very rare exception, I'm sacrificing grammar, and I will tell you why....

In March I gave birth to a sweet baby boy and became a mother of two.  I spent a great deal of time in the months prior praying for this period of transition; I had heard all manner of stories about transitioning from one to two children.  The first couple of weeks, my husband was home from work helping me get through the days.  When he went back to work full time, I strategically had my mom come up for  a few days the first week, and then my best friend came for a few days the next week, so I could postpone being in solo mom mode for a couple of weeks.  Finally, week five came, and I bit the bullet and went all in, on my own.  Two kids.  One mom.  Zone defense. (That's a sports reference for those of you who don't know).  Just me facing five full days with a newborn boy and a not yet two-year old girl.  GAME ON!   On day four of that week, I decided to try my first solo venture to the mall.  Not only could I do some needed shopping, but our mall has a children's library with activities for little ones, so I could provide some toddler entertainment and only have to get in and out of the car once.

I managed to assemble the double stroller (or baby bus as I like think of it), get everyone strapped in, remember to grab my purse and the diaper bag, and get inside the mall with no casualties.  We hit up the library for some fun, grabbed a couple of pretzels (because that is what I do at the mall), and I found some cute new tops--not to mention managed to maneuver that giant stroller through the tiny walkways of H&M.  In the midst of all that we stopped for a baby feeding/double diaper changing session that went smoothly, rode the elevator, avoided tears when we could not ride the escalator, and I got a delicious free sample of a chocolate truffle. So, I can tell you, I was feeling pretty good about myself.  Oh yeah, I've got this.  No problem.  I had one more item I was shopping for when my son let it be known that he was ready to eat again, so I took the two things I couldn't choose between to the counter to be held for 30 minutes while we took one more trip to the nursing room.  As I sat in the chair in the little room feeding my sweet boy and watching my girl "clean" the already spotless walls with a paper towel, I can confess I was congratulating myself on just how well the day was going and how smoothly I was handling two young kiddos, and then..., I got pooped on.

I heard the sound that anyone who has cared for a newborn would recognize and knew that we were going to be changing a serious diaper.  As I lifted my son up from my lap to take a peek, I saw a little leakage from the top of his shorts and diaper and thought, "good thing I packed an extra outfit".  Then I stood up  saw the yellow spots on my dress.  BIG yellow, baby poop spots on the white section of my white and black chevron maxi dress.  There I was, a half a mall away from my car, with  giant poop stains on the front of my dress and no alternative clothing. I'd bought shirts but no pants, so I could not change into my newly purchased clothes.  I needed to go back and finish my last purchase, but even if I skipped that, I still had a long, people filled mommy-walk-of-shame back to my car.   I mentally scrambled for a solution to my problem while my now content baby slept and my daughter delightedly kept repeating in a gleeful voice, " POOP, Mama, POOP!" It was at that moment I knew God was reminding me of something I'd forgotten way too quickly.  

You see, in the first couple of day of this solo week, I was feeling more than flustered.  I was getting through the days with both kids alive and managing to throw together meals, however things were not happening to my usual standard.  In a couple of conversations with my husband and my best friend I recognized that I was not giving myself much grace.  When it comes to me, I don't have much patience for learning curves. I would tell anyone else, to be patient and recognize it has only been a few weeks, but I set impossibly high expectations for myself.  I had to be reminded by my spouse and friend that I'm just getting started in this new season, and it is going to take a "minute" for me to find my new rhythm.   I also had to remember that I was not supposed to be operating under my own power and ability,  but should be relying on God for all I need.  Fortunately, I had managed to spend some time with God each day that week with some creativity -- yes, one afternoon I put both kids in the car and drove through the neighborhood drinking my Starbucks latte and listening to the audio bible and praise music.  Whatever works, people! One of the verses that God sent my way in that time was Ephesians 2:10:

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (NIV) 

My new status of mother of two is something that God has prepared me in advanced to do.  That does mean, that He has prepared me to handle all the ups and downs, but in His timing, according to His plan, and to His standard.  That does not mean, I won't need a minute (or months) to transition into this new role and find my rhythm. I find that every time I take on a new role there is a period of transition that requires a great deal of humility and extra dependence on God before I become comfortable in said new position.  That was true for every career change, becoming a minister, becoming a wife, and becoming a mom. There is no such thing as me "getting it" on my own.  The humbling part is me realizing that I am only capable and successful because God has empowered me.  The extra dependence on  God is really me being aware of the fact that God is in control, and I must depend on Him daily.  When we become comfortable in our roles or routines, we often forget how much we are relying on God for each step we take; we can arrogantly begin to believe that we are doing this all on our own.  

I had spent two days of the week frustrated because I wasn't "getting it" and having to be reminded that I must be patient and completely dependent on God to have the success He has mapped out for me.  I spent a day praying for God to help me be more reliant on Him, to give me patience with myself, and to get out of the way as He shapes me into the mom He wants me to be.  Then, just one day later, I was suddenly giving myself a standing ovation for being awesome at stroller pushing and shopping while mothering.  I'm not saying taking care of two little ones under the age of two is a breeze, I'm just pointing out how quickly I was giving myself credit  and applause for the very thing I'd just acknowledged had to come from God.  The poop in my lap was a tangible reminder, that no matter how prepare I think I am or in control I think I may be, only God can see everything that is coming, and only with Him can I navigate the highs and lows.  As I hiked up my poop covered maxi dress making it calf-lenth instead of ankle length, and tied my wrap closed to cover the stain temporarily, I had to laugh and thank God for a solution that was humbling, but not humiliating while I reminded myself yet again, that I NEED GOD to do EVERYTHING! 

I'm sharing this for those of you, okay, those of us, who know in our hearts that we depend on the Lord, but sometimes get it into our heads, that we are running things for ourselves.  This is a reminder for all of us who like to control our situation, plan ahead, check things off the list, and bask in that sense of accomplishment when we succeed.  We have to remember that only God is truly in control.  We are only successful because God has empowered us to be and made a way for us to be.  We may be struggling in a new role, but we can give ourselves grace because God ordained that struggle so that we will keep Him at the center of all we do.  I'm sharing this so you can remember and embrace the humility and dependence that comes with being God's child.  I'm sharing this, so you can do all of this and maybe, just maybe avoid some poop!