Just Forgive Already

This past weekend, I had the pleasure of teaching two app sessions at the Relationology Conference at Fellowship Church.   I taught a session on single  life with one of the pastors on staff, and my former co-worker, Ken Kalloor.  The other session I taught was on the subject of forgiveness in relationships.   It is a subject that I am VERY familiar with, because it is something I have to do over and over again.  I thought I would share some of what I taught and what the Bible has to say about forgiveness because forgiving others is something we all struggle to do.

I mean, let's be honest.  We don't ever want to forgive someone. We are much more comfortable holding our grudge and feeling wronged (which makes us right), than we are forgiving others and releasing them from any debt, be it tangible or intangible.  We want what is due to us, a heartfelt apology.  Actually, what I really want is for the person that has hurt me to come crawling to me on their hands and knees, weeping and tearing at their clothes as they confess (in iambic pentameter) the wrong that they have done and beg for my mercy.  Whoa, now that is a scary insight to my selfish and somewhat Shakespeare influenced brain.  

But what we want, and what God wants from us are not always the same thing.  In this case they are pretty much polar opposites.  God wants us to forgive the undeserving, to show mercy to those that have shown us no mercy, and to offer grace to the graceless. Why?  Because that is exactly what He has done for us. 


"For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions."  Matthew 6:14-15

God forgave us even though we did not deserve it.  He forgave us, long before we asked for His forgiveness.  He forgave us completely and absolutely without holding it over our heads or making us beg Him for it.  As His children, we must model ourselves after Him.  The fact of the matter is, when you withhold forgiveness from others, you withhold peace and joy from yourself.  We hinder our relationship with God when we refuse to forgive others. He is basically looking at us in those moments and saying, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! AFTER ALL YOU HAVE DONE THAT I HAVE FORGIVEN?! REALLY!?" If you have ever struggled to truly feel forgiven and to make peace with your past sins, I would be willing to bet (if I weren't too cheap to do so) that you are harboring un-forgiveness towards someone else in your life.  You are lacking the peace and joy you desire, because you are dwelling on the anger and bitterness you need to release.  And you know what, the person you won't forgive is probably living life happy as a clam, blissfully unaware of your issues.  The weight you are carrying by not forgiving others is only holding you down, not them. 

"So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.  Beyond all these things, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity." Colossians 3:12-14


I encourage you to make the choice to forgive today.  Forgiving someone is not something you are ever going to want to do, but it is always something you can choose to do. You can make the choice to wipe the slate clean for that person, to erase all of your bitter memories and fantasies of revenge and give that person a fresh start in your heart and mind.  When I'm making that choice, I like to write out a prayer of forgiveness, and then I pray it every day until it no longer chokes me to say the words.  I pray it until I feel it.   I pray it until I can say with complete confidence that I have forgiven that person.  And when that day comes, I usually look around and find I have a new person to forgive, and I start all over again.