#SingleGalSecrets: Slow Your Roll

Although I am a happily married woman, I have spent more of my adult life single than married and I have several friends still waiting for their man to get his act together and come find them, therefore, I'm always thinking about you single gals out there and ways that I can share some of the wisdom I gleaned in my single years and hopefully encourage you.  I'm calling these things Single Gal Secrets. They are not secrets in that they are hidden or particularly mysterious, but I think of them as the secrets to surviving and thriving in the single years.  I don't want you ladies to just be surviving being single; it's not enough to not die. I want to see you thrive and experience great joy and satisfaction right now in your life. 

So this secret must start with a confession.  In my single years, I once got angry with God.  Okay, maybe not so much once, more like intermittently.  I would have months and months go by when I felt in harmony with God and content with His will for my life, but invariably a time would come when I would look around at my life and find myself dissatisfied with my job, my financial situation, my city, or the lack of a man in my life. You're right, it was most often the lack of a man in my life.  I particularly remember when I was twenty-nine years old, I went to three weddings three weekends in a row. Yes, I was happy for my close friend, my not so close friend, and my younger cousin (that's right, I said younger).  Yes, it was great to celebrate others and know that love was still alive.  Yes, the cake was good. However, the thing that I was most aware of was the fact that it was not happening for me.  I had grown impatient with God and felt that He'd skipped me in the "waiting for a husband" line.  The more I prayed, journaled and talked out loud in my empty apartment about it, the angrier I got, until I was downright ticked!  I felt justified in my anger because at the time I was in seminary studying for the ministry.  I had quit my career, taken a huge pay cut, moved to a new city, and gone back to student life all in obedience to God's call, and He couldn't throw a husband my way?  Seriously?  

The funny thing about anger, especially getting angry with God, is that too often we are reacting to something without knowing the whole story.  How often have you become angry with a friend, family member or co-worker and later realized that the thing that made you angry was only part of the story, the rest of which completely defused your anger leaving you to feel foolish for having thrown a tantrum.  The Bible describes it perfectly.  Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly. (Proverbs 14:29)  That November when I was so angry, I was assuming that the time was right for me to have a husband and that the man God had destined for me was ready to be a husband.  I was assuming that my life would be better with a husband. I was acting as if God had broken a promise to me or owed me an explanation.  I forgot the most important thing: He is God and I am not.  He knows the whole story of my life and I only know bits and pieces.  He has a perfect will, but He only reveals it to us in His timing.  I forgot that although marriage is God's creation and a reflection of the relationship between Christ and the church, it is not actually promised to us all.  I forgot that I had prayed to not meet anyone while I was in seminary so I could focus on my studies and be fully devoted to preparing to enter the ministry (idiot = me).   Mostly, I forgot that I am not in any way, shape or form in control of my life, and I'm better off for it!  I wanted God to be in control, but I also wanted to direct how He controlled things.  Foolishness. There is nothing more dangerous than believing that your plan is better than God's plan. 

There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death. Proverbs 14:12 

I get it. You're tired of waiting. You're frustrated.  You're lonely. You're unhappy.  You're (whispered) getting older.  I really do understand that you may be feeling the burden of  one or all of these things. I'm not going to tell you that I have some three-step plan for you to take that will result in a husband showing up on your doorstep. In fact, in this particular season in my life, when my anger had me resenting God's plan and tempted me to try to take the reins back from Him and run my own life, I was saved, not by the arrival of my husband (he didn't come on the scene for another 5 years), but by wise counsel and truth from God's word.  If you are being quick tempered with God because of what is missing from your life, focus instead on these things that you already have! 

  

God has given you forgiveness.

Truly I tell you, people can be forgiven all their sins and every slander they utter,... Mark 3:28

You have been forgiven for all of your sins.  From the worst thing you've done to the gossip you shared last week and even the anger you've been feeling towards God, it has all been forgiven; you don't have to feel bad about any of it.  We are required only to confess our sin in prayer and turn back to God to know that we have been forgiven. Forgiveness is an incredible thing to cherish, because without it, we have no hope for the future.  That you have been forgiven by Christ means you are in relationship with God and have His love, protection, grace and mercy.  You have Creator of the universe looking out for you.  

God has given you the power of the Holy Spirit.  

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you;... Acts 1:8

The Holy Spirit will give you the power, the will, the comfort, the discernment and everything else you need to navigate this life, even this single life!  In the times when you are lonely, He will comfort you. In the times when you are trying to make things happen your own way, He will convict you and redirect you towards God.  In the times when you are trying to determine what your next step should be, He will give you the discernment to know which way to go.  You have 24/7 access to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  Rather than feeling powerless in your singleness, know that you are empowered by your faithfulness! 

God has promised you an abundant life.  

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10 

Abundance does not start with a man or marriage, it does not start with a new job or your next raise.  You can and should be living an abundant life right now, in this season. Stop focusing on what you don't have and start focusing on what you do have.  Every believer has some aspect of this abundant life.  Maybe it is an incredibly loving family of origin.  Perhaps you have the best friends on the planet. Maybe you are planning a trip to your dream destination.  Perhaps you just found the perfect pair of shoes on sale! Whatever you have in your life that you can celebrate, do just that. Celebrate it.  Enjoy it. Relish it.  Recognize that this is the abundance in your life right now. 

Angry seasons are going to come, but you don't have to get sucked into them.  When your quick temper starts to get the best of you, slow your roll, focus on what you have, and relinquish control to the only one that knows what is truly best for you.  God has your best interest at heart and a perfect plan for your life.  Perfect, by His definition, not yours. And where else should our perfect plan come from than from the Perfect one? 

** Single gals, I'd love to hear from you! What secrets would you like me to share.  Please let me know in the comments section!