With Mother's Day just a few days away, I can not help but remember what I was feeling this time last year. You can read my exact feelings in this post, but to sum it up I can say that I was dreading the day. I was grieving my two miscarriages that had occurred in the 6 months before and facing a very discouraging infertility diagnosis. My empty arms and empty womb were a painful and tangible reminder of a dream I'd had since childhood that seemed to be slipping away, the dream of being a mother. This year I'm on the other side of a miracle, just 8 weeks away from my due date, counting down the minutes until, Lord willing, I get to hold my baby girl in my arms for the first time. I'm full of the joy of anticipation and the immeasurable gratitude to my God for this life that is even now squirming inside of me. And yet, I can not help but remember my sisters out there who are still waiting, still grieving, still longing for a child of their own. I do not take a thing for granted even as I believe in faith that this child I will bear is the answer to my prayers. I know that so many of you have prayed and are still praying for your own miracle child and are trying to find hope, even in moments when you despair. In the past year, I've known women who have lost their children to miscarriage, stillbirth, chromosomal disorders, and tragic accidents. I have been witness to their grief and misery. I have shed tears with them and for them. I have prayed for their hearts to be mended and their grief to subside. Even now, I hope with them as they continue to long for children of their own, and I know that if I, with all of my human shortcomings, will remember them on this Mother's Day, God remembers them all the more.
He remembered us in our weakness. His faithful love endures forever. Psalm 136:23
Throughout the Bible we see that God remembers His people. He hears their cries of pain and sorrow. He rescues them from misery. He restores them to a place of joy. This Mother's Day, I want to remind all of you with empty wombs and empty arms, that the same God who remembered the children of Israel, remembers you. The Savior knows how you hurt, and He hurts with you. He knows the desires of your heart, and He has a plan for you. It was last August that I began to realize I needed to wait on the Lord for a child, stop trying to find my own solution, and allow Him to do the work that only He can do, the work of creation. It was in early September that I completely surrendered to His timing and plan for when I would get to be a mother. I did so with the full knowledge and expectation that I might have months or even years ahead of me with no children. I did so knowing that His answer to my prayers might not include me carrying a child in my womb. I did so knowing that I might have many Mays to face with no cards on Mother's Day. I did so because I trust Him. At the end of the day, I trust that God knows better for me than I know for myself. He sees my future when I can only glimpse today. He loves me more than I can ever imagine loving anyone.
I hope you know the same is true for you. God knows what is the absolute best plan for your life and that is the plan He has you working towards. It will not feel good at all times and it will come with hardships, but it is still His best for you. God does not just see where you are right now, but what your future holds. His perspective is greater than yours so His knowledge of what is best is superior to yours. God loves you in a way that you can't even comprehend. All the love you feel for the children you lost is just a fraction of what God feels for you as His child. He is not some distant figure, but a loving father who grieves with you. Know that He is always working to mend your broken heart. I pray that you will trust Him this Mother's Day. Trust Him with your dreams and desires. Trust Him by turning to Him in your moments of despair. As you carry your burden week by week, allow God to carry it with you by reading His word, praying to Him, going to church, and praising Him in the midst of your sorrow. These may not be the easiest steps to take, but I know personally that they are the best and only steps that will return you to a place of joy. I will be thinking of you all on this Mother's Day, and I can say with a certainty that God will most definitely be thinking of you too!
